#eved

The art of sexual thought is law in this land. Nakedness holds no restrictions. Beyond law is the

luminous freedom of free choice. Sex is the only truth mankind holds and the appetite of man is

merciless. Just as the masculine shaft stiffens to rise and explode, the secret of sex, lawless

sex, is buried beneath my simple thoughts. And each thought is a snowflake of unique

unquenchable, illogical, pleasure of the flesh. With will and pleasure leading the way of sexual

energy nakedness gets new meaning. There is a private place within me that wishes to be

known - private hidden knowledge.

Upon the bridge, over the vast abyss, is where I sojourn in these moments. The wasteland

behind me is the life that remains unfulfilled, the castle before me is built with unbridled energy

beyond logic where knowing causes no shame. As I gaze upward, the sky fills with star seeds of

sexual power and promise to be brought down and planted in me seeking to be grown and

cultivated into beauty. Just as He can pull the string of His arrow back to explode at the perfect

time my hive is brimming with honey to be tasted.

It is said a man should have sex as if a demon is on his back forcing him to have sex! And I sit

here like Pluto, forgotten and excluded by man yet keeping the universe spinning. I can make

my five moons dance yet they are tired of spinning unseen, unheard, and untouched. My body

is the anvil upon which my silver soul is beaten. He is made, I am built, yet I think my shell no

longer fits. Sex is the place I should be free, yet how do I create alone? Inspired by perspiration

from the heat of meat, flesh longs for touch, flesh wants to seethe and frolic against an opposing flesh also seething with desire. But I am not allowed even a seat at the table so how do I feast?

My thoughts carry no weight, yet I walk in cement shoes on the ocean floor. I beg to not feel

urges, to not wish for what cannot be, yet left to be drowned in this world, never to surface. Sex

is a response, a tango of two intertwined where flesh becomes discord and words no longer live.

So why are words all I have?! I have cave dived to the deepest recess of my soul only to learn

that what I know, I will never hold. He will forever be out of my grip and gone, to be seen again.

Another would boast ‘why do you stay’ and there is no way to explain that I want no other, there

is no other, there could never be another; and again I would scream from my soul why does

man say such stupid words to me.

Plutos beautiful heart spins, its five moons dance in harmony and I have more in common with

Pluto than Master. He is me in every way and yet He is the rain drops I can’t catch. He is the

garden I can’t grow. He is my smile and my tears. He is my friend and He is my loneliness.

Could He see through these words and go further? Could He understand that there is a time to

see only me? Is that truly too much to think? Or is it not my shell that is being swelled? Why

must this surge of pain swim so within me that the moment I think I have ridden the wave I find

myself in a riptide?

WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN NEGATIVE was the words above that actually blossomed a conversation of beauty between myself and Owner. We all have something we can't have in this world and not talking about what is deep inside your own well, no matter how dark, can drowned you. I chose to surface and truly see out shared struggle. We shared words I know I never wanted to say out loud, it takes courage to be eved and it takes courage to be the Owner.

Happy birthday to me and guess what my present was? Oral fucking surgery!  The joys of being Hebrew is it gave me two bdays. And I sit here with blood trickling down my throat, in the not cool sadistic way, and my mind is battling away.

My brain keeps tugging me to go dress up and grab a diaper and stuffy and just be, my other brain is like 'oh hell no! Bitch we do not be showing our soft side that easy.' Which than became a wow thought of I protect me from my own soft side. See when I get dressed up in any form, I am feeling that form and when I dress as a little, I want to feel safe and soft. That for me is a secret private moment that I do not share. I do not give a fuck if you have seen a pic of me in one, you have not seen ME!

I buried my softness in infancy, and I built years of walls around it. My Owner has seen glimpses of my soft side, and I can truly say He is the only One. It is as if I am not exposed but vulnerable in that moment or moments depending on how long I last. My real me is there, eyes deep in wonder, resistance is gone, my defense does not exist in true form - and even I am afraid of it.

I have been in pain all day, had a migraine for a week, and yet I can say it's one of my best birthdays ever. Because inside and outside I hold my head high knowing who I am and my Owner is my life without a doubt. Hell, at least today had some form of oral in it!!!

Well, the last two weeks have been an emotional time. My client, who is better called my friend, was freed from her pain of cancer and returned to One and the anniversary of my father's passing was this Friday on my granddaughters 11 bday, oh yeah also my bday. It is a strange thing how we pray from another's pain to end yet also cry because we can no longer hug them.

Unlike many other moments these passing and my purpose came face to face. I could have buried myself in pain or I could see my Owner and His need in the present. Yes, even the Man can need His property!  And I could hear Him though His lips stayed sealed I knew what He needed and He needed His masochistic little cunt - and that is exactly what He got!

There was no tense of pain, no pull of fear that a headache would trigger, and no self-pity removing my mind from my worship! I will just say he is a happy Man and Master. I have new burn marks to celebrate and that makes me happy.

My life is coming back together, and Master is getting the return of His true property from heart and soul.

In the honey of pain, it stares into the darkness. The leaves are still, the wind has no howl, and a reflection appears. How can it be so quiet and feel so loud? The clock blinds the eyes in a cascade of 4:44 in red. It desperately focuses on the grains of the beam and so many thoughts travel by. ‘Why must I dream so much?’ it whispers to the Moon. ‘I know my dreams created Him in true life, so why do I still dream…’ it wonders as tears dance across the irises. ‘I want only Him so why do I feel selfish for dreaming!’ its heart cries to the sky. ‘I can manage ninety-eight people's lives from nine to five, yet in my own walls I seem to struggle in my body’ it speaks silently.

Is my creation being stopped by these worlds wonders and man-made rules? You say ‘marriage’ is ___________ fill in the blank; yet you would balk at my relationship as worthy of such a title! You say ‘love’ is _________ fill in the blank, yet again you would insult my soul before you accepted my way of life. Why does my marriage, my love scare this world so!? You dawn books in gold thread to speak of Kings and Queens who left legacies of lifeless bodies while calling my Man sadistic. How is a feeling sadistic; how is it right or wrong; how is it that anyone who steps outside your bubble of belief the bad guy?

What if I lengthen on the latex pants and footies covering the flesh and leave the breasts bouncing about - would you mock me? Oh, well let me add a fun latex look encasing the mind and sight leaving only its lips to serve…have you judged me yet as a freak because I feel just fine. Well, it doesn't matter I don’t own such in this world, yet in my mind I do. I do many things there; in there I am loved and I am safe.

To my friend who left this world Cheshvan 15 5786 go towards peace sister....

Well, what to say…I am focused on creation currently and allowing the mind to dream and expand.  The hard part is not the mind, the play, the dark rooted winding roads of my mind - its the cost of bondage gear for fuck sake! I do love to dress up and make Masters cock rise and I have the next idea picked out - Etsy definitely wins on options and variety for gear and even price.

I will say connecting work and my pattern of destruction together was a pretty mind blowing revelation in the last couple weeks. Work, promotions, and success are a trifecta that I blow out on the success part - I never made it last, I found a reason to leave or why it’s not good enough. I could tell you a tale of why success scares me but a brief version 2 houses lost by parents should sum it up. Just as I can breathe new life into my core and treasure my life as a servant, then I can open the door of success and allow it to be welcomed. 

And just as I embrace this new understanding my senior director is all ‘hey I was offered to take over another bldg’ and what do I do? I let him know I think it is a bad decision because you can’t outrun the stupid of employees and a new building does not mean shit. He is a good guy and fuck he is intelligent!! He has been so helpful to me helping the clients I serve of course I do not want him to go. Yet I also know what will be, will be. 

On a final note a sensitizing thought ruptured within - a dog cage, the floor a tilt slanted to ensure its ass stayed penetrated by the huge dog cock with its legs chained upward on the cage wall, arms held down to ensure that while it stayed strapped up and down all day it could writhe in its own waste…

 There is no burning desire; rather, there is a bodily urge to be anchored, to create, to construct, and leave many lasting imprints. The desire to develop roots and allow things to follow their path, just like a seed in the ground has activated in eved!

I had a beautiful time with my babies and some pretty wow moments happened between me and my mom - in a good way. And yes Sunburn on day 1. Oh and I was placed aside at the airport and heavily frisked returning home wearing my Israel sweater - it was an honor fuckers.

My mind has a familiar itch to play. I don't mean like halloween, for work I am going as Average Joes dodgeball player, what I mean is letting my imagination free to be freaky. Oh yeah, I also nominated my boss for an award, and he got picked and I get to present it to Him in front of the whole company. I also nominated my work buddy over me for promotion and other than a fake interview for paperwork he will take lead at work, and I am excited to stay exactly where I am. My agency, thanks to government cuts, has major hits to take next year yet they are making sure we all stay employed but 40,000 per bldg budget cuts are going to hurt so I am starting to think how to find resources for the homeless and this is a mission.

Now to #slavelife - My mind is a complicated place. It has not felt free in years for a multifaceted set of reasons, my reasons mind you not Masters, and somehow, I opened the gate and found myself seeking outfits and thinking of ideas for pics for Master. It may sound trivial reading but it's not. When the mind gets frozen in time it can weigh you down. I am still scared of cars, but I AM NOT AFRAID to play again. Being how Master and meat both like every end of the spectrum I have a pretty wide range of things to try - but it will be for His tastes and its purpose. With that still remains responsible spending and building up my savings but I have some fun stuff on the way!

In 24 hours this bitch will be drenched in grandkids! What of eved? No worries here and I never part. Eved is a multifaceted little cunt! While soaking up the Arizona Sun and probably getting a Sunburn I will burn dreaming of coming home to Master.

Read the best book line ever: the toilet is the great equalizer, the great humanizer, and also a miracle. The grin I got just thinking of the feeling I have has Sir's private toilet matches the energy of those words. I will never feel I have ever fully achieved this gift but I will challenge any to a piss swallowing contest proudly, cause I will win. Yet more to be learned for sure.

This year I decided to step back at work and yesterday to my amazement my coworker applied for the promotion and with elation I was like yes you have to get the job! Yes, I have thousands I need to make appear for dental work and I still refuse to apply for a job that will interrupt my life and Masters. We have a schedule we like, and I am keeping it. When I need to evolve I will. I am not about money I am about Master. God got me this far and I will get where I need to go trusting my purpose - not the whims of titles - hell this toilet gets blessed bitches.

The contemplation of what it means to be me gives rise to new actions, refined deeds, and a still mind. With healthy independence life has gained steadiness. A life of commitment and meaning balanced by responsibility and integrity is #eveds purpose, and I am proud of it!

Did you catch all the epic bruises just above!? No headaches, no fear, just unbridled trust in the Master. I think I am still floating from it to be blunt. I am at almost five years of no sadistic fun, and I was getting bored. Master - what was, what is, and what will always be - is my Master. I hold a part of His world with great care and yes, I am proud of that. 

I can tell you with a huge grin His piss is mine and His bladder has taught me how to swallow. I have been wondering in my mind of real things to do. As performing solo is a challenge, I am giving this extensive thought. As fall has arrived, I will have plenty of time at home to journey these ideas. Excitedly envisioning what is possible.