On April 22, 2020, I had a dream I was walking through a Jewish neighborhood and ran into a Jewish holiday parade and some Jewish friends. I went to their holiday party where I was so excited to take pictures for You. The dream was in the furture because I saw an announcement for the party and it said September 23, 2023. That is our Ownerversary. It will be 11 years then.
Yesterday, June 15, 2023, I had a dream. You were rich and unattainable, your attention on me. You had me at your house, lots of people. A friend, a doctor, with a hurt foot. You cooked him Indian meatballs from your restaurant style kitchen in the basement. I brought with me what you had asked me to bring. A duffle bag, a long string of purple rope. My brother's bookbag with tools and syrup for snow cones. You were tender and enveloped me with love. You stepped away and weren't around when your doorbell rang. Your in-laws were on the porch, they lived next door. They looked worried to see me. I was chipper and said I was your and D's friend and that you'd be there in a minute and I closed the door. Your kids were grown, T. was a teenager. D. was chill. I began collecting my things but I didn't know what you wanted me to take. Your female friends were your slaves. One put the rope in the bag and said that you, Big Boss, would want me to take it. I left but came back. I wanted to see you but also wanted my brother's bag. Your body guards answered the door and asked me when had you told me to come. I said you asked me to leave two minutes ago even though I hadn't seen you. You came out. Throughout the dream you were happy and loving. You said something about the next time you'd see me. I cried knowing there would be a next time and joked about it being in a trillion years. You rummaged through my brother's bag wondering what was yours and what was his and I marveled at the worthlessness of a pair of rusty scissors. But it was what bound me to you for that moment of extra time with you. I rode off on the back of your motorcycle, you driving. I woke up.
This I know. On September 23, 2012, I was claimed as Owned. I said, right now? From now on? He said, Yes. And that was that. What I didn't know at the time, and what I would come to believe over time and living this Owned life, is the purpose of Ownership. The meaning of Ownership, the meaning of Life, is to find purpose and meaning, a reason for being. An explanation for life, living, being, existing, and all that IS. In Ownership, this exploration and discovery is shared. The Owner and the Owned together explore, discover, define, and name all that IS. One goes forth, One follows, One guides, One is guided, One molds, One is molded. Both Serve. Both Serve self, each other, others, and ALL. Ownership once claimed and accepted is an unbreakable bond. Unbreakable despite any want or desire by either to ignore, break, shake, or end. The bonds of Ownership bind time and space into one singular point and purpose so that all that does exist is Ownership. Beyond time, beyond space, beyond life and existence, beyond all that is, and all that is not, you'll find Ownership. Ownership is outside of time and space, matter, and the duality of all that is and all that is not. So although I acknowledge the date of September 23, 2012, as the day I was claimed, in that instant, we entered into Ownership that spans lifetimes before, now, and to come. This Truth I know.
I'm Owned by a solid man. He Owns me whether I see him or not, hear from him or not. His Ownership requires no input from him though he's free to interact with his property as he chooses. I'm property.
There's also some stuff about blowing the space time continuum out of the water, but basically that's it.
No urgency, lol. Just a note to share with you where I'm at. Love when you used to text, UPDATE!
I'm taking an holistic nutrition cooking class every Thursday for five weeks. It's four hours long and we cook a Seasonal, Organic, Unprocessed, and Local (SOUL) meal that we sit and eat together at the end of the night. Each person cooks a dish to contribute to the table. I cooked Apple Crisp for the first class last week.
The first thing we learned was Mise en Place, everything in its place. We assemble all the ingredients into little bowls before we start cooking. It slowed me down, a lot. My dish was last to the table. I'm finding that cooking is a great metaphor for Owned Life. 😉
Next week I'm enrolling in a 1000 hour massage therapy program. It's 7 months, four days a week, from 9 am to 2 pm, plus time in the student massage clinic. My esthetician program counts for 600 of those hours. I will receive federal financial aid for most of the cost and the rest is monthly payments over the course of the program.
Work is going very well. My boss asked me to come back last March and raised my base pay plus gave me a shift differential so that now I am the highest paid nurse in the building and second in seniority (not including my boss). I never was off payroll through the months I had the other job, I stayed PRN, so got to keep my seniority. I'm very blessed to work there.
Health and wellness is a never to end process for me with undulations of steps forward and steps back. A dance of fitness for a long and healthy life of service. In this moment, my mental health is something I'm grasping with the tips of my fingers, trying to not let my mind slip too far away from me. I'm not euphoric, I'm not depressed nor anxious. But I do imagine that I'm not entirely well. My physical health is improving daily with monitored eating of whole foods and increasing bouts of activity. Yet, sleep eludes me and I'm very sensitive to lack of sleep. I decompensate without it.
Family life is comfortable, as it has been for almost 2 decades. Yet, it's not what I would say is GOOD for me. Yes, I'm happy. Yes, we are fine. But, no, this is not my HOME nor the Life I NEED to Live. Where is that? Gan Eden, where you placed me, your rock, your Eben-Ezer.
This message was prompted by the love you left on a post of mine on FetLife. Thank you for seeing me for what I really am. Owned female property, inferior female meat. Thank you for always watching. I'll be home soon.
When I was 19 years old and in college, I was in a bad car accident that was a passive suicide attempt and while being transported by ambulance to the hospital, I thought to myself, "I can't die yet, I haven't gone to Brazil." The feeling was one of importance, significance. And although I've been to Brazil many times to visit family since the accident, this sense that I'm supposed to do something important and significant there has not been fulfilled and has never left me.
These are my ideas, plans, dreams for the future in Brazil. I'd like to establish an intentional community in Brazil. I envision the community as a spiritual and social group of people who are service minded and believe in consensual total power exchange or authority transfer based relationships as one means of loving devotional service. Through our work in community and our relationships, we serve God, humanity, and each other.
Together, the members and guests would work to run a wellness retreat and ecotourism center, a restaurant, and music venue, as well as an education and spiritual center. Towards that end, I develop myself as a nurse, an aesthetician, and a massage therapist. I'm also taking cooking classes focusing on holistic foods. I plan to study Ayurveda and yoga in the coming years. I do not believe that I will see this vision manifested in my lifetime as it is such a huge undertaking and may be something future generations can continue to work on. That's ok! I'm happy to start something I may not finish in this case.
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